Summer breeze

Warm and tender, soft and bright. Children frolic and ducks glide by. Insects scuttle around on rocks with purposeful fervor as though my arrival on their little island were a cause of excitement. For these little beings, the mass of water around them must seem like a seamless expanse of mysterious fluid and I look at this lake that seems confined to an ever decreasing phenomena we all call nature and as I look at it I wonder about the limitless possibilities that lay beyond the horizon... and within myself.

The wilderness beckons and I think of a time when man and nature co-existed. I think of a choking cry from small clusters sanity on our planet speaking with hopeful... almost desperate voices about sustainable development. I think of humanity and then I think of myself. I must choose a path... I must face an innate conundrum... Should I join this battle for the future of mankind or live my life to the fullest. While my deep respect for the best in all of us will never wear out... that respect is rooted in self realization. I found myself and feel that it is every individuals own choice to find him/herself. The choice is made instantaneously.

I look around me breathing in the summer breeze redolent with the scent of warm, naked rock. The bright blue sky glows vividly overhead splattered generously with blazing white clouds. This image is carved on the horizon with the Mt. Blanc rising tall and proud as though is burst forth unto the skies from the depths of the earth and frozen in it's journey towards the heavens. It stands there in the distance flanked by the silhouette of a soporific mound of rock and as my vision is drawn closer to my perch, I see green... Not the lush green of the wild that I have grown to love. This is a subdued green manicured by human will. It is indeed unfortunate that so many humans choose to live within the confines of facades designed to shield them from the truth. A truth that wrenches their hearts with fear... a truth that they'd rather not accept; that we humans are born wild and free.

Why?

It's the one question that can topple the monolith of pretenses. Forget every axiom, every convention, everything "normal", look yourself in the eye and ask yourself this. Dig deep into the depths of your soul... Cleave through the undergrowth of conditioning... Hack those dead stumps... clear the field... because you are about to sow the seeds of your essence.

Every answer to the question "Why?" is a seed sown. Every confirmation of that answer from your interaction with the world around is fertilizer. Every action taken on the basis of that idea is water.

Some answers will not be very appealing... some will threaten to tear you apart with grief or anger... some might deflate that image you have of yourself... What matters is that you know it is the truth. What matters is that you aren't fueling your own facade by sowing dead seeds.

The only reason to do this is to run your fingers through that golden harvest even if it is just once before winter sets in.

Embracing my fears

The burning rocks almost roasting my hands with every touch, the rubble under my feet almost encouraging me to fall, the sun generously throwing upon us light and heat, much more than we need as though benevolence was it's only form of spite. Mouth parched and head reeling as i was drained of every drop of water that kept me moving.

The world below seemed as far as a dream. The world above seemed closer than usual. Yet, no prayers, no wishes & no doubts... only a concentration more intense than the heat of the rocks, a will to live, more acute than the blazing sun. Every step upward was a feat requiring every ounce of strength and determination that i could muster. Yet, there seemed a mysterious infinite supply of this which never waned. I still feel it beating within me at this very moment.

We reached the pinnacle, my two friends and me. Friends, because we had trusted each other with our lives and also because we shared this moment of ecstasy together. What we felt on the top was not pride, not even close to pride. We were aware of our achievement and of our will to live especially in the heat of this moment. Their eyes were exuberating contentment. Mine must have radiated that too because we didn't fluster when looking each other in the eye. We understood completely.

My fear of heights had drastically reduced as we headed downwards. Fear needs food. Our thoughts are it's food. The more we think about it, the stronger it grows. Acceptance of fear is the first step to annihilate it. I faced my fear in the form of a rocky ledge with nothing below but the world which was a dream. Nothing even to break my fall. Stepping over that ledge was my passport to freedom...freedom from fear. I have never loved my life as much as I did at the moment I led my feet over the edge, into the embrace of nothingness.

Well, I'm here today in the comfort of a chair, privileged enough being able to type this out.

After a spell of suffering and numbness there comes a unique spell of euphoria. A feeling where every moment earned henceforth is a reason for jubilation.