भारत और हम

Here I am sitting in Geneva, writing about India and us. Ironic? Not the way I see it. I ask myself why I love my country because I'm not nationalist nor a patriot. In fact, the very concept of nationality is alien to me. That's what leads me to saying I simply love everything the world has to offer. I love India no more than I love many other countries in the world. I view humans as humans... individuals in control of their own circumstances. Nationalities are political boundaries drawn as territorial demarcations... mere instruments of governance emerging from the concentration of resources, cultural affinities etc. This makes us all humans... not Indians, Pakistanis, Germans, Mexicans, Russians, Albanians, Iranians, Israelis, Kenyans or Ethiopians. Going by this fairly lucid logic, we discover that people around the world are essentially the consequence of the same elements... Choices and circumstances. Hence, their personalities are a melange of situations resulting from the same fundamental drivers like pursuit of happiness, fear, courage and so on. Embarking on a detailed discussion of the redundancy of nationality and the innate irrationality of the concept of patriotism and nationalism is unnecessary since those who haven't already understood the essence of my point will not understand anything beyond it either.

So what do I imply by हम (us)? I speak about every single Indian from every single part of the nation and every single global citizen from every single corner of the world. However, owing to the political identity of being a sovereign nation, an identity to which the world's second largest population has agreed to, the responsibility for action is not the rest of the world's. Most of us already realize this ofcourse. However, for those who still think it is justified for a nation to live on the philanthropy of other nations... think again. Do these nations really deserve to exist? Shouldn't they be merged with another so as to justify their claim of sovereignty which is a claim emerging from the assumption that the nation has what it takes to keep its citizens happy and free.

What do I mean when I say free? That's a critical question. Amartya Sen made a critical observation when he drew a clear distinction between "freedom from" and "freedom to". Though portrayed as conflicting ideologies, I don't see where the conflict arises from. Freedom is essentially being free in every sense of the word, including being free to be free from! Actions resulting from exercise of this freedom are subject to, like all other actions, are subject to consequences. Understanding and embracing these consequences along with the actions and the root drivers leading to the action and every element of circumstance that provided the groundwork for this reality is total freedom.

Now consider those who claim, "I'm free to be free from starvation." If they say this as a statement of fact, it is completely valid, however if they state this as a demand from the rest of society, of which they are a part as well, they are infiltrating on another person's freedom. If the latter man were me, I would feel absolutely nothing for this person has chosen not to strive to beat his or her circumstances but chooses, instead, to place a demand on another's freedom. I'm free to refuse.

To put the concept of freedom further into perspective, I wrestled with the rationality of communism and came to one simple conclusion. It makes perfect sense subject to it being confined to those who want to be confined within it. I wouldn't call the ideology evil. It is built for a society of parasites and slaves giving them the upper hand over the "bourgeois" value creators.

I have yet to see a successful/pure communist nation or even a pure democratic nation. I choose to speak about India at the moment for no reason other than my intimate familiarity with its people, land, languages and culture. Patriotism as a sentiment is alien to me. That said, I'd like to enumerate certain fundamental flaws in our political, social, civil and religious/cultural fabric that will require to be amended if we are to be the land of the free. These, by no means, forms an exhaustive rendition. It is only some of the issues that are critical. I do not care about the burgeoning populations as much as I care about my own freedom in any society. It would be a fallacy to assume that all humans want to be free, so I do not indulge in that misconception. Instead, I am only interested that nobody steps on my toes...

Geo-political hypocrisy - Kashmir! Give them a referendum or quit calling India a democracy. For a detailed discussion on this, refer to my article on the "Kashmir Conundrum"

Socio-cultural fabric - It doesn't matter where you are from, the fundamentals of a human are the same. Caste-based discrimination within the country has taken a whole new dimension. Now it isn't the lower caste only that is suffering. All the ordinary citizens of the nation who don't come under the SC/ST/OBC category has to fight like dogs for everything from quality education to Government jobs while those who have the privilege of belonging to oppressed class grow by leaps and bounds with relative ease. This is an argument against affirmative action as a whole. Many would argue compassion. Forget compassion! Think about reason. What do these oppressed people need? Customized education and the tools to build competencies to compete in the modern world if they so wish to. In that case, it is rural development (Education and Entrpreneural development) that should be taking the upper pedestal in government policy. If any of you have traveled into a reasonable number of the villages of India you will witness the rubbish being taught at these schools and the inappropriate and ineffective development practices rampant across most of the sub-continent. Part of the reason of this problem is that these uneducated people don't realize the importance of a rational long-term approach. They can be easily made happy with affirmative action which fills the politician's vote banks and gives them greater control over larger parts of the country

Economic policy - "Protectionism," a term that most would associate with post-independence India where the Indian Industry suffered greatly under the shadow of the STC and Nehru's socialist approach to development. He was, not surprisingly, a great admirer of Stalin. Signs of this remained as a stick in the wheel if economic progress until P.V. Narasimha Rao and Manmohan Singh began opening up our economy in 1991. One of the sole bastions of regressive protectionism is the Retail Sector. Again, the fear for loss of voter support leads politicians to place huge barriers for entry of larger, more efficient retailers into India. Most cry out about claims for compassion in the face of dying local retail businesses. Do they deserve to die because they are not as efficient? Should they starve in the name of progress? I'll say only one thing to them. They deserve to live using their own creative and intellectual capabilities not by inhibiting those they consider superior in intelligence. That's a long story cut short ofcourse. The rabbit hole goes deeper than this and my conclusion at the end of it is right here.

Religion - My response to religious movements in India is mixed. I, by no means admire or respect religion in any form. However, I don't have any problems as long as the religious folk keep their religion to themselves. This has been the case in India for quite a while now. Unfortunately, the practice of religion has become quite a nuisance. What will you think of when I say fundamentalism? Terrorism? Al-Qaeda? I think of Evangelists, born-again Christians and the related lot. I see the growth of these little groups mainly as a response to contemporary Hindu and Muslim fundamentalism. The Christians must have been thinking... "Hey, it's been a while since the crusades, and now other religions seem to be getting ahead of us... Time to bring in the mind control and life control into Christianity!" The dangerous bit is that anything can be now justified using one of the hundreds of interpretations of the Bible or Quran or whatever ancient piece of vague, myopic, narrow-minded, regressive rubbish that most live by. Stay out of my way and I'll let you be. Cross my path and I declare war. It's simple. In India, this is a slowly growing phenomenon. Though the emphasis on blood-lines is still deeply entrenched, conversions are yet to take front seat in religious agenda. However, I do see this changing and it isn't for a brighter and more amiable future.

Summer breeze

Warm and tender, soft and bright. Children frolic and ducks glide by. Insects scuttle around on rocks with purposeful fervor as though my arrival on their little island were a cause of excitement. For these little beings, the mass of water around them must seem like a seamless expanse of mysterious fluid and I look at this lake that seems confined to an ever decreasing phenomena we all call nature and as I look at it I wonder about the limitless possibilities that lay beyond the horizon... and within myself.

The wilderness beckons and I think of a time when man and nature co-existed. I think of a choking cry from small clusters sanity on our planet speaking with hopeful... almost desperate voices about sustainable development. I think of humanity and then I think of myself. I must choose a path... I must face an innate conundrum... Should I join this battle for the future of mankind or live my life to the fullest. While my deep respect for the best in all of us will never wear out... that respect is rooted in self realization. I found myself and feel that it is every individuals own choice to find him/herself. The choice is made instantaneously.

I look around me breathing in the summer breeze redolent with the scent of warm, naked rock. The bright blue sky glows vividly overhead splattered generously with blazing white clouds. This image is carved on the horizon with the Mt. Blanc rising tall and proud as though is burst forth unto the skies from the depths of the earth and frozen in it's journey towards the heavens. It stands there in the distance flanked by the silhouette of a soporific mound of rock and as my vision is drawn closer to my perch, I see green... Not the lush green of the wild that I have grown to love. This is a subdued green manicured by human will. It is indeed unfortunate that so many humans choose to live within the confines of facades designed to shield them from the truth. A truth that wrenches their hearts with fear... a truth that they'd rather not accept; that we humans are born wild and free.

Existence of God

I strongly feel it is important here to dichotomize the words God and Religion in the world today and the concept of God using the mainstream philosophical argument.

The word itself means different things for different people. The common argument constructed by theists to convince their atheist counterpart revolves around some essentials:

• Initial motion

All things in the universe are in motion. However, for there to exist motion in actuality (Kinetic energy) there must exist Potential energy and this potential energy can only be converted to kinetic energy by a stimulus. So everything which is in motion must have an initial stimulus. This stimulus is god.

This is a completely valid argument. My dispute with this argument is that how does one explain the seeming chronological, spatial and conceptual infinity of god? The concept is created to put a stopper to a concept that escapes the intellectual block that we humans face when dealing with the question of infinity. "God is infinite," theists would then claim. Well, if God is infinite and so is the universe, I don't see any reason to believe that one form of infinity is different from the other... both are conceptually the same. So, God is the Universe and the Universe is God. Both interchangeable words... I prefer the former to avoid the ridiculous connotations of the word "God" propagated across society through religion.

• Original causation

Everything we see around us is connected in a chain of causation similar to that of motion. So what is the original cause?... God.

This argument is parallel to the infinity concept. What is the original cause? I don't know. Many call it God. I call it incomprehensible infinity or the Universe.

• The superlative

We have formed in our minds the conceptual framework for qualitative assessment for everything in existence. The man is strong. That woman is honest. The mountains are beautiful. Every qualitative assessment is in comparison to a superlative... an entity that possesses the best of all virtues. Such an entity must be god.

I'd like to deconstruct this idea. The ultimate of all virtues, this argument claims is this singular entity of God. I would simply ask... who sets the standards here?... the standards of virtue. Isn't it humans? Our perceptions of beauty and virtues are different depending on the personalities, value systems and circumstances each of us is subject to. This disintegrates the concept the singularity of God. If each of us were to name our perceptions of the superlative as God, we'd have many more Gods.

• Original existence

We are surrounded my thronging existence. Before existence is non-existence or nothing and for something to be born of nothing is absurd. Therefore, for something to exist in the beginning from nothing, there needs to be an antediluvian (etymological religious connotation unintended, I hope!) something that instigates the creation of everything else.

The Buddhists believe in part of this concept as well. Madhyamaka practitioners stress on the importance of the fact that before existence came non-existence; before something came nothing. However, they add that nothing has the potential to create everything else. The don't detach the divine from existence and non-existence. They believe is is possible for humans to reach that state of nothingness through meditation. That is their concept of nirvana. I prefer the Buddhist way of thought where this is concerned and would like to add that if one were to claim that god was hanging around in nothing to create something and that God is something, then the nothing did not exist in the first place.

On the other hand, when one says that nothing and everything is divine, that implies that every one of us is divine. Using theist terminology, that makes every one of us God. I'd rather call you by your name :-)

• Universal governance

Nature is crafted to perfection. Every leaf, every mountain, every animal is crafted in a way so as to co-exist in functional synchrony and perfection. The functionality is a product of circumstances or environment. All this takes intelligence to design. That intelligence is god.

I feel this is the strongest argument made so far. Intelligent design has been long debated. If God is mystery and infinity and if we as humans are incapable of understanding the true nature of God the only method of knowing whether this God exists is to go by his/her intentions. These seem pretty clear. Building the universe, of which Planet Earth, our home, seems to be of barely importance but means the world to us and us alone. This god went into the detail of creating these handcrafted odds and ends like plants, animals, humans, and so on... and then we have theists who believe that this god had an intention... how? and what is that intention? The planet we're on has an expiry date on it and so does every one of us and the intention of God is an inappropriate phrase given to what it really is... the purpose of life itself. I call it life force... a power potent and intelligent enough to direct the evolution of every being in existence... and as for the non-living things, I call it physics.

True, this raises more questions than answers and that's the point. There are unanswered questions and we could start with seeing things for what they truly are instead of settling in for misunderstood, inadequate and inappropriate nomenclature and conceptual fantasies.

Religion adds more frills to this concept of God further contorting it into a melange of mysticism, customs, rituals, intolerance and shrouded ignorance all sparked by elements of shame, low self-esteem and a lack of courage to face the truth or embark on this seemingly infinite voyage of finding the truth where it isn't apparent.

The empty masks

The world's future leaders writhing together in hedonistic delight; empty and inane. I understand today the reason for most of the world's problems; It's power in the hands of these semi finished humans. Why! Why am I even in the vicinity of this ghastly display of nothingness!

It strikes me though that this is quite an accurate scale model of the real UN, conceptually speaking.

It is situations such as these that a phrase leaks out from my pit of unforgettable, redundant and putrid thoughts; "Work hard and party harder".

Isn't it a a chronic dearth in a passion for life and a reason for existence that drives humans into pursuit of such forms of escapism... I already know the answers but it was never reinforced so violently that draws from me only one declaration - never again.

Around me I sense the cause for the degraded fabric of our concept of humanity and suddenly i'm surrounded by a dark void... The only whole truth remaining is my own.

I Believe

Why believe in that which has no evidence?

I find this a profound question. Why do people believe in the irrational?

I have dealt with this question in one of my articles on religion. People are eager to brand the darkness as divine. For example, one belief I commonly encounter is about the creation of the universe. Some believe in intelligent design... that is, some “intelligent” chap up there carving out the intricate structure of this wonderful universe. Others believe in the Big Bang. What do I believe in? … Neither. My reluctance to believe in this regard stems from the inadequacy of either theory in answering certain basic questions like what existed before the Universe? Nothing… my father once said. I remember being dumbstruck by the sudden omnipresence of NOTHING. “What is nothing?” I remember having asked him as a 12 year old. I am still fascinated by this concept! I do not understand it yet and don’t pretend that I do.

That brings me back to the question… Why do others want to believe so fervently and so urgently in something at the cost of rationality?

It could be a feeling of insecurity at being surrounded by mystery. A few might ask… “Aren’t we always surrounded by mystery?” Others will say… “That is the mystery of god”. I feel this feeling of insecurity grows from a deep feeling of inadequacy with one’s own existence. The fact that YOU exist doesn’t give you enough courage to embrace life with all its mysteries.

Another possible explanation for this could be the reluctance to shoulder the responsibility to face all these mysteries with a sense of curiosity… that I feel is natural to any life form. One must find an answer to every question! We don’t stop until we do find our answers. When they don’t… they make a grave error… They create an answer. People will enthusiastically believe this fabricated shred that I see as an excuse to mask their lack of courage.

I am a dot on this world. My existence may not make any difference to anyone. What is most important is that it makes a difference to me.

I believe in many things. Every one of these beliefs is founded on reason and open to challenges and change. Sometimes, I must admit, I crave to be challenged.

The sounds of music

"Nothing could teach you something" he heard as he swerved with the rhythms of the car that blazes along a road set against the dark sky, lights twinkling in the distance. He emerged from the endless sounds of music and conversation. He saw their lips part forming new words, he saw their eyes speaking more than their lips ever could. He saw their intentions and their masks. He saw through them.

Beautiful masks they were. He enjoyed the sight of them. He enjoyed the texture of their mood. But, he knew the texture of their being and decides to remain at the surface.

What does a man do when he refuses to play along with the currents of the river beating against him? Not because he doesn't like being carried by the river because he knows where it goes. He basks instead in the sensation of having the waves caress his chest and the breeze cooling his brow.

He dives instead into the texture of the words rather than the meaning they evoke. Because the meanings will disappoint him. He has been down that current before.

The moments spent by the river bank were soothing indeed. He decides to emerge from that feeling and walk back into the wilderness.

"One could learn a lot from such superficial conversation". Of course, I thought... I learned how to enjoy them. I learned what I enjoy most. I learned that people tend to be strongest when they move in packs. I learned that I tend to be strongest simply knowing that I am who I am.

Why MAKE conversation? Why do people see it as an asset? Why do people gather knowledge only to be able to continue MAKING conversation? Why do they want to be accepted by others? Why don't they accept themselves? Why do they not say and do whatever they want to say or do? Why do they bother about the response from another? Why are they worried about losing companionship? Why are they afraid of being alone? Why don't they love themselves enough?

I find the pretentious interactions amusing! Almost like they are trying desperately to entertain others and themselves. I must agree... observing this certainly entertains me!

Some people have souls that protest vigorously amidst all the clamor. But alas, their lips helplessly add to it.

How fortunate for me to have a home for myself in my own being from where I can sit peacefully observing these undercurrents.

Siddhartha *

What is perfection? What is a balance? What is the essence of "me"? As I begun forming words to express my thoughts, i felt a strange sense of history reiterating the words I was creating in the present. Siddhartha.. Of course! He is the only other person who spoke these very words to me as I would to another.

These are my words through his mouth... a privilege I don't get to use too often.

---------------------------------------

"Listen well, my dear, listen well! The sinner, which I am and which you are, is a sinner, but in times to come he will be Brahma again, he will reach the Nirvana, will be Buddha--and now see: these "times to come" are a deception, are only a parable! The sinner is not on his way to become a Buddha, he is not in the process of developing, though our capacity for thinking does not know how else to picture these things. No, within the sinner is now and today already the future Buddha, his future is already all there, you have to worship in him, in you, in everyone the Buddha which is coming into being, the possible, the hidden Buddha. The world, my friend Govinda, is not imperfect, or on a slow path towards perfection: no, it is perfect in every moment, all sin already carries the divine forgiveness in itself, all small children already have the old person in themselves, all infants already have death, all dying people the eternal life. It is nor possible for any person to see how far another one has already progressed on his path; in the robber and dice-gambler, the Buddha is waiting; in the Brahman, the robber is waiting. In deep meditation, there is the possibility to put time out of existence, to see all life which was, is, and will be as if it was simultaneous, and there everything is good, everything is perfect, everything is Brahman. Therefore, I see whatever exists as good, death is to me like life, sin like holiness, wisdom like foolishness, everything has to be as it is, everything only requires my consent, only my willingness, my loving agreement, to be good for me, to do nothing but work for my benefit, to be unable to ever harm me. I have experienced on my body and on my soul that I needed sinbvery much, I needed lust, the desire for possessions, vanity, and needed the most shameful despair, in order to learn how to give up all resistance, in order to learn how to love the world, in order to stop comparing it to some world I wished, I imagined, some kind of perfection I had made up, but to leave it as it is and to love it and to enjoy being a part of it.--These, oh Govinda, are some of the thoughts which have come into my mind."

------------------------------------------

"Bent down to me!" he whispered quietly in Govinda's ear. "Bend down to me! Like this, even closer! Very close! Kiss my forehead, Govinda!"

But while Govinda with astonishment, and yet drawn by great love and expectation, obeyed his words, bent down closely to him and touched his forehead with his lips, something miraculous happened to him. While his thoughts were still dwelling on Siddhartha's wondrous words, while he was still struggling in vain and with reluctance to think away time, to imagine Nirvana and Sansara as one, while even a certain contempt for the words of his friend was fighting in him against an immense love and veneration, this happened to him:

He no longer saw the face of his friend Siddhartha, instead he saw other faces, many, a long sequence, a flowing river of faces, of hundreds, of thousands, which all came and disappeared, and yet all seemed to be there simultaneously, which all constantly changed and renewed themselves, and which were still all Siddhartha. He saw the face of a fish, a carp, with an infinitely painfully opened mouth, the face of a dying fish, with fading eyes--he saw the face of a new-born child, red and full of wrinkles, distorted from crying--he saw the face of a murderer, he saw him plunging a knife into the body of another person--he saw, in the same second, this criminal in bondage, kneeling and his head being chopped off by the executioner with one blow of his sword--he saw the bodies of men and women, naked in positions and cramps of frenzied love--he saw corpses stretched out, motionless, cold, void-- he saw the heads of animals, of boars, of crocodiles, of elephants, of bulls, of birds--he saw gods, saw Krishna, saw Agni--he saw all of these figures and faces in a thousand relationships with one another, each one helping the other, loving it, hating it, destroying it, giving re-birth to it, each one was a will to die, a passionately painful confession of transitoriness, and yet none of then died, each one only transformed, was always re-born, received evermore a new face, without any time having passed between the one and the other face--and all of these figures and faces rested, flowed, generated themselves, floated along and merged with each other, and they were all constantly covered by something thin, without individuality of its own, but yet existing, like a thin glass or ice, like a transparent skin, a shell or mold or mask of water, and this mask was smiling, and this mask was Siddhartha's smiling face, which he, Govinda, in this very same moment touched with his lips. And, Govinda saw it like this, this smile of the mask, this smile of oneness above the flowing forms, this smile of simultaneousness above the thousand births and deaths, this smile of Siddhartha was precisely the same, was precisely of the same kind as the quiet, delicate, impenetrable, perhaps benevolent, perhaps mocking, wise, thousand-fold smile of Gotama, the Buddha, as he had seen it himself with great respect a hundred times. Like this, Govinda knew, the perfected ones are smiling.

Not knowing any more whether time existed, whether the vision had lasted a second or a hundred years, not knowing any more whether there existed a Siddhartha, a Gotama, a me and a you, feeling in his innermost self as if he had been wounded by a divine arrow, the injury of which tasted sweet, being enchanted and dissolved in his innermost self, Govinda still stood for little while bent over Siddhartha's quiet face, which he had just kissed, which had just been the scene of all manifestations, all transformations, all existence. The face was unchanged, after under its surface the depth of the thousandfoldness had closed up again, he smiled silently, smiled quietly and softly, perhaps very benevolently, perhaps very mockingly, precisely as he used to smile, the exalted one.

Deeply, Govinda bowed; tears, he knew nothing of, ran down his old face; like a fire burnt the feeling of the most intimate love, the humblest veneration in his heart. Deeply, he bowed, touching the ground, before him who was sitting motionlessly, whose smile reminded him of everything he had ever loved in his life, what had ever been valuable and holy to him in his life."

---------------------------------------

* Hesse, Hermann, Siddhartha, 1992

My direction

There are moments in life when you see a vision so clearly that it pierces through your being. I saw it today, too clearly to be a passing fantasy. I saw evil again, human evil, coldness to life and everything associated with it.

I saw visions of gunfire, blood, screams and tears as i felt my own soaking my palms. Men, women and children being killed. Cameramen, soldiers and civilians being massacred.

This is the essence of humanity. This is my world. This is where I belong.... On the front lines of hell.

Peace at gunpoint

I've been asked several times... What drives people to killing an innocent human in cold blood? The question to ask is... What does this man FEEL while killing another? Does he feel anything at all? What should be done when such a man has an innocent man, woman or child at gunpoint? Negotiate?

This is the primary function of the UN peacekeeping forces, keeping peace at gunpoint. Using the gun when there is no other way. But, if we think about putting an essentially supra-national humanitarian peacekeeping force that steps in to stop all forms of violence inflicted on innocent people, we cannot possibly think of putting this force under the control of an organization that derives its legitimacy from its member states. These member states have a complex mesh of national political interests at stake that prevents them from taking purely global humanitarian decisions.

So what is the ideal solution?

Creating an armed peacekeeping group not controlled by any nation but by a single truly supra-national organization. What will be required for legitimate intervention is endorsement by nations, especially the government of the nation that is a becoming a victim to mindless violence. Now, what if the government in question is either the cause of the problem or defunct? What becomes necessary in this case is circumventing the system.

Though unfortunate, the reality is this... To be effective in humanitarian intervention, states must be circumvented. The condition of sovereignty stands valid only if the state is effectively responding to violence being inflicted upon it's innocent citizens. So, logically speaking, circumvention is justified. Realistically speaking, such an organization would quickly become illegal... some might even label it as a terrorist group forcing it to go underground.

So this peacekeeping group will need funds. Where will that come from? Governments are out. Private sources are the only solution apart from self-sustaining projects. It will definitely require a huge fund base to fight maniacs with guns and politicians with words.

The omnipotent capitalist?

So... money drives the world. Firstly, there are three primary reasons to make money; survival, material comforts and power. The first two factors are quite straight forward and free of controversy unless we consider the means to these ends. The third factor is more thought provoking. Money for power... power over people.

What is power over people? The capacity to control them? It is important to understand the kind of people you would control (their motives) and also whether you control them in the truest sense of the word. The kind of people you control would be just like you... wanting to make money for mere survival, material comforts or power. I attach no moral connotation to making money for power over others. I only stipulate that it is not possible. Why? In one of my previous posts, I wrote about freedom. I wrote that we were all born free and are always free and most of us just don't realize it. You can only control a free man to a certain extent and that extent is purely physical. Even that isn't guaranteed. You can control a man's actions with the power of your money. But, can you control his thoughts and feelings?

"As you think, so you are" - Gautama Buddha

I feel this thought is very relevant here, though not complete. I'd rather say; as you think, feel and act, so you are. The crux of the matter is the same though. To control mankind, you will have to control not only the actions but also the thoughts and emotions entrenched in the human psyche.

So, does money move the world? Of course it does. It is beyond doubt that the world is primarily composed of those who lack self respect in some form and who seek approval from outside for a 'self' they do not believe in themselves. Such people will be only too glad to be drawn by the money power you wield. That is a world where money gains you approval. But, does it? You will definitely get nods of approval from most (not all) but, will you get thoughts of approval? Is it really approval if the nod and the thought don't complement each other? We already know the answers to these questions. But, most prefer to turn a blind eye to them, live in denial. It is from such people that the phrase "ignorance is bliss" was born.

So, you can safely assume that you have reasonable (not complete) control over my actions through your capital power. But, this is only until I value your capital power more than my freedom of action.

Money is the means to an end and power over others is not an end. It is a myth.

A connection of choice

The psychological break-up of humans is too complex even for a variety of labels being attributed to a single individual. Our beings are composed of not only our circumstances but also the choices that we have made through these circumstances. When judging another, a simple background survey is drastically inadequate. By judging, I do not imply any moral connotation of good or bad, right or wrong. It is an amoral analysis of another personality in relation to your own. It is the groundwork to understanding a relationship.

So labeling is inadequate when dealing with people... especially those who have grown beyond conformism. Each human being is a unique entity. I make this statement even for the mobs. Every single person in a flock who draws his or her sense of security and belonging from that group has been subject to subtly or substantially different circumstances compared to the others and made some unique choices along the way as well. What defines him or her is not only the actions but also the reasons behind those actions.

So, am I suggesting that every human being deserves equal consideration owing to the uniqueness inherent in them? No.

I believe in connections, relationships that bloom from commonalities in fundamental feelings, beliefs, personality traits and actions. Though trying to give form to any "criteria" is not as esoteric as one would think, going by these beliefs (only) would be too dogmatic and superficial an approach to discovering the depths inherent in human behavior.

Self-love in the prime determinant of a holistic interactive process. If one is indulging in a relationship for reasons such as altruism, insecurity, domination or subversion, it will inevitably lead to a dependency syndrome where the people involved are drawing upon the strengths (or weaknesses) of each other.

Before relating to another human being, it is important to understand yourself and love who you are. It is critical to be honest with yourself about your intentions and feelings (whatever they may be).

One might think that this closes doors to that seemingly abstract concept of love. How can one be an egocentric and love another person at the same time. This will be crystal clear, if you understand the reason for loving another. We love another not for their weaknesses but their virtues, never with sympathy only with respect and understanding. Love is amongst equals in spirit. Anything else is a compromise.

Comfort in one's nakedness is another factor that determines the efficacy of a connection. When there need to be no facades and no inhibitions to a free flow of interaction, we have a true bond. "You" and "I" will never become "Us" if we aren't acquainted and comfortable with the nakedness of our beings, every virtue and every flaw.

This is when silences become blissful and not a burden. This is when a smile means more than a word. This is when a glance is enough to express an emotion.

Man is a social animal they say... Man is a dew drop I say, that requires a leaf to condense upon. Connections are not a compulsion. The dew drop always existed as vapors but could only take shape on the leaf. There are some things we learn about ourselves only in the presence of another who understands.

Judgement or analysis

When I think about it now, judgement is so subjective. Yeah, I'd rather call it analysis. I am doing this because judgement seems to have a moral connotation and I speak of purely ammoral inference.

Humans are too complex to be swept aside in the wink of an eye. However, most of our gut feelings are true because people have a basic aura and we learn to sense this aura when our hearts and minds are open to these inputs. Yet, there always exists a margin of error and we must be aware of this as well.

The crux here is being open to the world but not open enough to lose yourself in the process.

We the people

We are a confluence of circumstances and choices. They are the two variables that define our personality. Within every human being, there is a unique essence. An essence capable of colouring his or her character with a mosaic that is different from anyone else. This bastion is often eroded or manipulated by circumstances.

However, what also matters is what we make of those circumstances. Our choices every step of the way manipulate the road ahead and could happen at a conscious or an unconscious level. Every little thing makes a difference to the way we live our lives. How? We will never know. We can only speculate on the possibilities.

Flying a kite is about the symbiosis of these two great elements. The winds (circumstances) and the skill of the flyer (choices). This is the stuff man is made of and the true individuals are most often nestled behind layers of facades built over the years spent in blatant, mindless conformism and an abysmal self-respect. Peel the facades and you have the redolent signs of life.

Stereotypes

Why waste time with stereotypes? At least, not at this stage of my life. I lived enough to identify a stereotype and it’s now time to separate the wheat from the chaff.

We live in a world overflowing with clichés. Most human beings find it safer to conform to these clichés than use their own judgment and logic. It’s tiring to see the plethora of people walking by speaking the same language of banal conformism. It’s refreshing to bump into INDIVIDUALS these days!

Differentiation amongst plebeians and individuals comes easy to me. All I have to ask myself through a conversation is… “Am I speaking to a unique individual having his or her own views or to the society at large that is apparently voicing its opinion through this docile being?” The answer is mostly immediate and largely accurate.

This is not about being a conformist or an iconoclast. It is about being oneself; a person free of pressures, an individual confident about expressing what he or she feels and not what the world feels. It’s then that communication becomes vibrant and productive!

Fortifying chaos

We often come across situations where our hard-earned peace must be defended from circumstances bursting with unpredictability and chaos. How often does one reach a point where unpredictability needs protection?

I’m standing face to face with the uncertainty of certainty. The oxymoron here is only perceived. If looked into, it reveals an intriguing rationale. My recent past is flushed with millions of moments… all a result of the spontaneity prevalent in my circumstances and my personality. I find this chaos comforting and have kept life moving at a fast pace, fast enough to keep me ebullient. My future seems menacing now… menacingly slow!

There was never a dearth of the doors of opportunity. I kept knocking and had the choice to turn away from them if I did not like what I found inside. I want it to be that way forever. Now that I think about this, it boils down to change. However, the change I speak of is not a change in circumstances but a change in the way I look at these circumstances. I thrive on change and would not ever want to live a life devoid of it. That is what worries me.

I relate this to the feeling that burst through my being atop the last cliff I scaled. It’s the feeling of looking at the edge without knowing the path to survival until I stepped off. The only truth is the distant world below streaked with traces of life and more cliffs in the horizon waiting to be conquered.

NGO Folk

My stint at Godrej Properties taught me so little about people! I learnt about buildings, bosses, politics, common sense and waste. But, not much of an insight into personalities.

I could also credit this to the fact that i was focussed (vaguely) towards a career in business and did not want to think beyond it since, that would bring in too many complications starting with resistance from 'society' and family. That kept me from my now favourite pastime; learning about myself and about other individuals. Myself, because I am the centre of my universe. Ego-centric, yes. Egoistic, nope. I simply respect myself a great deal and want to grow and learn and be happy and true to myself till I die (maybe after death as well, subject to an afterlife). Other individuals, because I feel it is very important to relate to people. I adore a mutually beneficial relationship where two individuals grow together with synergy!

Yup! Life has so much more to offer now. It simply took one really tough, yet simple, stand. Get the hell out of corporates and get your ass moving to where you truly want it to be. At that moment, I wanted to work with NGOs. So, thats how the shift was made. My interest in the all-pervasive MBA gradually waned and my interest in myself steadily grew.

Very rosy! Some might proclaim... From capitalistic bloodsucker to noble educator. Blah! The scene here isn't rosy at all. We have a mélange of personalities and motivations here. More politics than the board rooms of the filthiest corporate house, more corruption than the worst government department and ironically more money than most would assume.

I would like to throw some light on the types of people I am surrounded by in this industry.

Type 1 - LOW self esteem
They have little respect for themselves. Respect for others is a mirage. These people feel that working with an NGO automatically earns them the 'noble' tag. They flaunt this perceived tag around as though they are now entitled to a respect that would never be theirs otherwise.
Our type 1 folk survive on other's perception of nobility in them whether it is real or a farce.

Type 2 - POWER hungry
Power over people could be gained through many methods. Money is one of them, feeding their emotions is another. The end result is that the type 2 category is capable of pulling a lot of strings. Feeding egos, making others feel indebted (non-monetary) and privileged are some tactics commonly used by these people. They want power over others and are shrewd enough to achieve it.

Type 3 - Sympathetic
"Oh! You poor little thing..." Commonly heard from those who can pity others at the drop of a hat. I feel, it takes a true egoist to think this way. But, not always... We've all heard of self-pity ofcourse. Our type 3 feels that they are god sent angels sent down to this miserable planet to impart anything worthwhile to its pitiful inhabitants. Plenty of these around!

Type 4 - Empathetic
My favourite kind! (No sarcasm here). This kind is very clear about the target group; themselves. It is important to know who you are before you think about stepping into someone else’s shoes. Or else, you land up in their shoes with your biases and judgments simply making a bigger mess of things. Why do they want to step into someone else’s shoes? Well, maybe because it brings them great satisfaction seeing the world from another’s perspective and helping at deciphering it with them. Maybe they want to learn more about themselves by putting themselves in a truly challenging situation.

Type 5 – A façade
Typically, the politicians and businessmen who set up these NGOs to siphon off government money or avoid taxes. Sadly, they set up dying concerns where the beneficiaries are initially filled with hope and then smash down to harsh reality in their world which is already crammed with reality checks.


Type 6 – Fly by night operators
Here today, gone tomorrow. NGOs are a business for these folk. Rake in the cash and get the hell outta there!

Selflessness and Altruism

These words are proclaimed in the ngo arena as though they are holy incantations. Just one question though... If you are selflesslessly helping someone, YOU are not really helping anyone because you don't exist (The unfortunate trade-off for being selfless).

Firstly, what is 'self'? I believe, it is a combination of our values, ideas, perspectives, actions, visions, body, intellect, emotions and expressions (Am I missing out on anything?). If you ask me to 'sacrifice' all this for helping the world, it get a little tough considering the productive options remaining (Are there any, i wonder...).

Then we have the famous driving force of altruism which implies unselfish (not concerned about one's own welfare) concern for and devotion to the welfare of others. Another little question... Why does an 'unselfish' individual help others? Because seeing others happy makes him or her feel happy... But hey! If you want to be happy and are doing something towards achieving that end, doesn't that make you self-centered?